Monday 10 December 2012

33 Roses for Grace

Hello the light of my life... here is another video I made especially for you my love:

love you forever buetifull

Friday 5 October 2012

Party with Granddad and family


Party with family was lovely and lots of nice people to be around. Gracie deserves us all in her life and we deserve our little Angel back. All I ever want to do is love her and give her the best of everything :o)


Grandad playing guitar with student in family party


Granddad playing guitar with student and more of Gracie

I love you sunshine, you are amazing :o) in every way

Gracie sitting with Granddad and her first curl so cute


Gracie playing with sweet girl at party


Gracie's friend looking after her well


Lovely atmosphere some guests at party


Gracie snuggling with friend

Mummy and Gracie together

Gracie gone to sleep in party



Gracie Asleep and chatting to Ellie and friend



Five Videos of Gracie and us

Our doggie Tiny has just died and I am heart broken so I am making a video for her using:" I gotta feeling by black eye peas". So I been looking through all my footage for best Tiny stuff and so much of my Angel Gracie, So I have uploaded two videos of being in heaven with my daughter. I have at least 36 hours of footage so obviously this is just one moment in time.  and all the other moments that you live and don't record are lost hey... what is lost is that me and Gracie do not get much time to enjoy moments together. Yesterday was the first time I had seen Gracie for 2 weeks and I got 2 hours with her and that was supervised also. I never get to talk to Gracie on the phone or communicate in any other way to her all week. Just two hours together and that is it. Well I am here and you can see me and you see that you know I am not going to stop until its all fixed. Here is quite a few vids I just uploaded of our wonderful time together :o)

 Gracie and the horsey 

Gracie with Donkey

Gracie in chair with giraffe and twinkle twinkle

Gracie and Granddad shiny shoes

Mummy Gracie Granddad and Twinkle Twinkle




Tuesday 2 October 2012

Gracie & Mummy cushion & Lady Million

I got some more Lady Million perfume for Gracie to spray on her cushion

In honour of my little Angel Gracie I am going to build my follow list up to 1 million on twitter.
My twitter address is @LauraOnceSmilez if you want to follow me. 
I do spend a lot of time on twitter lately 





Tuesday 18 September 2012

Fight For This Love - Gracie and Mummy Cushion

I got these two lovely cushions made for me and Gracie. They are really nice and soft. I took them to contact last week when I went to see Gracie. At first she did not say anything about them other than jump on them. Cos it is painful for her to see how happy she was with me and to not have it all the time like she deserves. 
I told her that I had sprayed them with my favourtie perfume, Lady Million by Paco Rabanne  
I let her smell it on me first and then the cussions and one I had sprayed lots on and that was the best one and can take that home with her. I said when she misses me she can sniff it and smell my perfume. :o)..
She left me very happy and we had a lovely time together.. She was really excited to have the cushion and was talking all about it to everyone. She does need to see me there and to know I will never stop fighting for our Love. That is why it says Fight For This Love at the top of the cushion.
Oh I love my Angel so much, she is certainly a gift from God and I am blessed to have carried her for 9 months and created her in my womb. I am honoured to have breast fed my angel for 2 and a half years. 
Gracie deserves her mummy's love as it is love like no other and she cannot ever get that same love from any where else. We slept in the same bed till the day she was taken from me. There was never any problems and I protected her from everything bad and she was so innocent.

 The only damage that has ever been done to my child is from taking her out of my care. Everything else is based on Risk factor, If left in my care Gracie would have never suffered any harm as I would die before my child was ever hurt in any way. That is physically or emotionally or mentally. The system has taken my protection away from my daughter on a physical level. We are still always connected spiritually but I am not there every day like I should be and she does not have the protection of her mother every day like she needs and every child should have.
All a child of 3 - 5 years old wants is her mummy.... yes that is the most important thing to them and look what you the system has taken away from my child! they have stopped her from having the best mummy she could or would ever ask for. That is what the social services and system has taken away from my little Angel..
Though I will make sure she gets it back, nothing will stop me, for love is stronger than any other power and God is on my side, so I know we will be back together soon and it will be amazing and I will just give Gracie so much love and time and fun everyday.. we will just have an amazing and exciting time all the time. 


Our life will be perfect together and we will enjoy every moment and make the most of every day, creating and exploring and learning and growing, I will teach you all sorts of things and you and I will have so much love and learning together


Everything I do is for Gracie, there is nothing I do not do that is not in Gracie's best interests. All the things I make and buy for Gracie, I just want my Angel to know this that we will have a life together and we will be together forever.
All My love forever My Angel Gracie from you mummy
 xxxxxoooooooxxxxxxxoxoxoxoxo

Saturday 15 September 2012

Twitter

I just started a virtual twitter account for my Angle Gracie, If you want to follow my little darling she is @AngelGracieStar

Thursday 6 September 2012

Gracie ball pool, justice, love all

We went out to ball pool today for the first time in a year. Gracie loved it but she finds it hard to just let go and be herself and chilled. She kept saying she was scared. I never get a chance to spend time with her in a normal environment so I don't get to see how she is. Though she has changed so much as she was never scared of anything and so confident on every level when she lived with me. It is so hard to comprehend the damage they have done to my Angel and how I can never put that innocence back. They have damaged her for life by taking her away from me. This will always be a fact. Though I will do everything I can to make up for all the mistakes and bad choices I have made and to make up for all that harm the system and John have done to my daughter.

That is why I can never stop for the rest of my days.... my fight will always be for Gracie even when she is back home. Even when everything is back to a normal life I will still fight for her. Fight for justice. I am so stubborn when it comes to moral and complete wrong judgement like they have made about me. They could not be further from the truth on every level and because of this I will never stop until I have changed the world. Not me alone though I as the all and the one. I as the all seeing eye the single eye, I being the essence of us all. All together we will work and a world we will love... full of excitement and love and fun and passion and inspiration and never ending creation of Joy and just being so overwhelmed with pleasure of being in a world of peace that is the most amazing experiance of exhilerating and positive emotions that one could ever dream or feel. That will be the world we create for ourselves and for all inhabitants of planet earth and for all creation and God. Our peace will be our enlightenment to a world of riches that far pass any possabilites that the mind can imagine... The harmony and extacy that will be experianced by all will be greater than anything experianced as it will be a revolution for God and the all and the eye...

For no planet will have ever come out of such darkness for such a long period of time into such empowering light. Far beyond the knowledge and experiance of the all. That is what we will create. Our future and our existance will be proudly and significantly in the light and shining for all to see and learn off... as a unity of one we will progress and God will learn too... as there is not really any further lower we can go other than to destroy our planet completely... though we are not that stupid!!! naaa... light is our destiny and we know

Saturday 11 August 2012

List of my blogs

List of my blogs 

The Transition: http://thechangeisuponus.blogspot.co.uk/

Whats Happening: http://generalinformationn.blogspot.co.uk/

Fight For Love: http://livingofgod.blogspot.co.uk/

Deap Hurt And Pain: http://deaphurtandpain.blogspot.co.uk/

Our Dearly Missed Children: http://missingchildrenuk.blogspot.co.uk/

Gracie My Angel: http://lauraoncesmilez.blogspot.co.uk/

Union Of Love: http://unionofllove.blogspot.co.uk/

Friday 3 August 2012

Gracie singing Incy Winsy Spider

My beautiful daughter singing incy winsy spider

Gracie singing your my Angel

Gracie you will always be my little Angel and ray of sunshine no matter how far away you are xoxo

Rock with you video for my Angel Grace

you know baby we always rocked together and enjoyed every moment and day. with love and fun and joyyyy..... I made this video last year with much love for you my Angel xoxo

I want you back Gracie

I made this video last year of Pictures of Gracie when she was in foster care. It breaks my heart to see her so down. I still in much pain because of what has been done to Gracie. It is not something that you just get over and especially because me and Gracie have never had a chance to get over it, because we are still in pain everyday and seperated from each other. We can never recover until we are back together. You know my Angel that you are my life and if you where not my darling daughter I would not even be here. You are what I live for my Angel. I could never end my life although I have felt like it because of the depths of hell we have been to within this last year and a half with the system and John input. The horrors after horrors.. Dont worry my Angel for our love is stronger than anything else in the universe. We will win and God and Love will win my dear


Jam video for my Angel Grace

I made this video last year and I have just uploaded it today. It is for my Angel and all the people I love, my family and friends and animals too

Can't Get Out Of The Rain

Early last year I took hidden cameras with me to contacts with Gracie and I have made this video from them.
Cant Get Out Of The Rain


I have not taken hidden cameras for over a year now as I did sign something saying I would not do it anymore. 

Songs I made up for Gracie

Here are three songs I made up for Gracie to go in my childrens song book






Saturday 28 July 2012

Gracie is just another part of me

My dear Angel Gracie. Oh I love every moment we spend together. Though I cry afterwards so much. Always takes a day to get over the hurt. It breaks me in two to see how much my daughter is missing by not being with me, That unconditional love that is so overwhelming that I just want to cover my daughter with every day. I see she has to live without that every day and it makes me cry so much. Makes me cry so much that I cannot love her and play with her and teach her and joke together. It really hurts me that we cannot have a fun and exciteing life together everyday, living in the moment and enjoying every moment. It breaks my heart to have to see my daughter live without this.

I saw Gracie on thursday and I knew she would be happy because we had Tiny the dog with us. Gracie had not seen Tiny for a year and she missed her so much. I had been minding the dog for a few days while my mum had a break with Terry. I took the opportunity to take Tiny to see Gracie. The centre would not let Tiny come in or for Gracie to play with her doggie for long but she still got to see her for a few mins. Gracie cried and got upset when the staff insisted that we went inside and my mum took Tiny home. She was a bit angry at me. But I said to her that I thought even if she just got a few minutes with her that at least she had seen Tiny for a minute. Gracie said at the end that she was happy because she had seen Tiny even if it was just for a few minutes. I felt bad because I wanted it to make Gracie happy to get to see Tiny. I wish we could of had more freedom with her. But I am still glad I took Tiny and that Gracie got to see her doggies for a few minutes. I feel it will of helped her inside a bit..

This video I made for my daughter last year shows how happy she was on her 3rd birthday and how she loved to play with Tiny and that we all had so much fun together every day. She was so innocent and you can hear it in her voice and see it in how she is. It breaks my heart everyday that her innocence has been destroyed by the system and by making all her nightmares come true. Seperating Gracie from me is her worste nightmare come true. This is what the system has forced my daughter to endure.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gEJJ2xcOFjw

I dont think this video shows up in every country that is why I cannot link it properly to my you tube channel. I hope you can watch it as it is a lovely little video.

Thursday 19 July 2012

presents and counting game


I enjoyed making up the game for Gracie where we hide presents round the room and she has to find them and then place them on numbered paper. We then ask her to pick a certain number by doing a mathematical equation. When she gets the right number and piece of paper, she then gets to open the present.
we played this game last tuesday and these pictures where actually taken tuesday morning before I saw Gracie.

for more pictures and stuff go to my justice for families home page: http://justiceforukfamilies.ning.com/profile/LauraHalligan

Tuesday 17 July 2012

Tthey try to make me look bad, but fail mostly

The only issues they really focused on in court, for why I should only see my daughter once a month is because I dressed her up too much as a princess.. and always brought her new dressers in... also that I brought too many bags of toys and food in every contact...and too many presents wrapped up... i made her birthday last 4 weeks cos she was 4 years old.. they keep asking me to bring less but I have still never managed to do it in 1.5 years.. about 6 or 8 bags I take to see Gracie... also I wanted to brush Gracies hair once and she didnt want me to... these are the reasons why they wanted me to see Gracie once a month... they where trying to find fault in the contacts, but that is all they could find... I think they where just dragging it out so that the judge never turned completely on them.... the judge was on my side throughout and from the beginning of this.. he insisted that he would be the only judge who deals with this case. I do have a lot of respect for him and I knew he would be our salvation!! I accepted the prejudgement and did not challenge it because they would of just brought the psychologist in and had her and two barristers just pulling me to pieces... so I went with my barristers recomendation... just once a week for now... so we did win in theory because they wanted me to see Gracie once a month.. cafcas and social services.... social services wanted 6 times a year to start with and changed mind when he got to court..!!... but we got once a week.... I was initially sad and shocked, because I wanted more obviously... but I felt God and Jesus smiling in my heart... they where satisfied with the decission...

A weight has been lifted... the judge left it in the social services hands to extend our time together and make decissions... Well it is their job!!! They should be doing it properly!! well an excellent mother should have the right to bring up her adorable child in a perfect way... and a special child is entiteled to that unique care and attention from her special mother.

Love Of My Life

It is hard writing in here today, but I feel I should because the truth needs to be seen and that is also the depression from me and Gracie being seperated. They do not value who I am and what I have to offer, they do not seem to notice or care what they are depriving my child of. They say I need therapy. They just create the problem by seperateing me and Gracie and then say I need therapy because my child has been taken from me.

No amount of therapy is ever going to change how I feel about my daughter, psychologist reports is just stupid. They are not even accurate, gosh at some moments one can feel a certain way and in another moment they will feel differently. When I went to see the psychiatrist I did not know how to tick her boxes.. she gave me like 4 pages of boxes to tick.. most the time I put what I wanted her to hear lol... have you ever banged your hands on the table... you think hmmm!! have I?? probably like maybe once but I dont know, its not something I am gonna be thinking about much... but the answer is like often, rarely, never and variations of such questions... when a lot of the time you dont even know what box to tick...  I was a bit worried anyway... I dont like going out now because it just pains me to see other children when I dont have my baby... at first I used to just cry every time I saw a chlid.. I still cry sometimes.. for a year and a half they have put us through this. I have a degree in computer science and tought piano for 7 years to both children and adults... I gave my child the perfect up bringing and never harmed her or put her in any danger. They say she was at risk of danger... but she was never actually in any!!!... they treat me like a criminal, when I am a victim... and no one seems to care or notice this!!! just ignore who I really am and they just imagine me in their own mind as what they want me to be, which helps them tick boxes and fill in their reports.

 I did think she missjudged me by telling me things in detail as if I did not understand.

Explaining it to me like I had some sort of mental problem. "you open the door by pulling the handle". You know I should be grateful, as how on earth would I get in or out of another building without her!! good job I spoke to the therapist when I did. Hey maybe this 12 month therapy will also show me how to turn a tap on and maybe run a bath!! wooot!! happy days... hey dont know how I have survived all this time living on my own!!

Anyway enough of the sarcasm..!!

today has been a hard day for me. When my angel left she said to me that is would be better if we did contact at nursery because sometimes other mums and dads are allowed in. That would be much better Gracie said. I just started crying and kissed her arm and told her I was sorry I was not there and I wish I could be and I still love her the same or more than any other mums there. she wiped away my tears with her dress and said "there there mum, wipe those tears away" she is so sweet; she is only 4. They do not understand what they are depriving my daughter of.

At times like this when they are talking about staying the same for the next so many months then having review meeting... it just drags you down.. I dont wanna do anything to jepodise my situation, but I feel I have to do something!!! I cant just sit here feeling like a week and shrivelled human being and feeling like I have just let my daughter down. I have to keep fighting!! though do it in a professional way and we are allowed free speach... I am allowed to write down my thoughts to share with you... I am allowed to write a petition for my child and make videos... fight in a positive way... where there is no anger and shouting between people... and just me trying to do everything I can to save my baby from her missery...

her attention span is alot shorter and she just blocks out things... she goes deap into her world and she cant even hear you speak!! It just breaks my heart to see what has been destroyed and what they deprive my daughter of... and no one seems to even think I really matter...

I said today to new team leader that our life has been destroyed... she said well yours has.... sounds like she implying that Gracies has not!! they just choose to be blind to the truth and reality... I just said "Gracie's has too"... no point arguing and shouting they just write it down and use it against you...

They expect good loving mothers to not act like that... A good loving mother would scream, shout and cry when child is taken off them... though if you ever act like this they then call you a bad mother... so you cant win with them... unless you just let them control you.... they just want to completely control and have power over you... they want you to act like it is no big deal!

anyway I dont get angry at any of the staff and am often generous to the. But I always make a fuss when I see Gracie.. I have not shouted for 8 months... there is really no reason why I should not be with Gracie and there never was really to do with me... they where worried about the potential danger of the crazy man but I would of never let him near her... he has never even be to this country..

I dont want anything to do with him and I have not spoken to him for 8 months... yet they still say I am unfit... there is no reason why I am unfit... that is why this system just energy steels from me and Gracie by keeping us sad inside and in our hearts and them controlling our every move... I cannot express my feelings and concerns to the people cos they dont value what I have to say... so I will express it here and try and hope for them to listen through this method of comunication and expression!!

There is always hope.. I believe the system can change and it will !! I believe in God and I can never stop doing everything in his name. Hey I am not perfect and dont always choose the right thing... though I always try to and analyse my actions and try and better myself every day...

I can imagine that anyone who watches this video will see the love and bond between me and Gracie and  you will see how it is so important that I am a big part of My Angel's life



please sign  my petition to get Gracie back to me http://www.change.org/en-GB/petitions/social-services-give-me-my-angel-gracie-back?share_id=xbHaXEEHkY

Sunday 15 July 2012

Gracie the Joy Of My Life

They have taken away the joy from my life, by taking away my baby. I have made quite a few videos about this. Here is a cute one of Gracie in the sink and me next to her

Friday 13 July 2012

full of love

I am overwhelmed with love for my daughter and I see it shine in her too for me, our bond is unique and nothing can ever replace that connection we have. Our relationship is special and unique and should be valued as such