Saturday 28 July 2012

Gracie is just another part of me

My dear Angel Gracie. Oh I love every moment we spend together. Though I cry afterwards so much. Always takes a day to get over the hurt. It breaks me in two to see how much my daughter is missing by not being with me, That unconditional love that is so overwhelming that I just want to cover my daughter with every day. I see she has to live without that every day and it makes me cry so much. Makes me cry so much that I cannot love her and play with her and teach her and joke together. It really hurts me that we cannot have a fun and exciteing life together everyday, living in the moment and enjoying every moment. It breaks my heart to have to see my daughter live without this.

I saw Gracie on thursday and I knew she would be happy because we had Tiny the dog with us. Gracie had not seen Tiny for a year and she missed her so much. I had been minding the dog for a few days while my mum had a break with Terry. I took the opportunity to take Tiny to see Gracie. The centre would not let Tiny come in or for Gracie to play with her doggie for long but she still got to see her for a few mins. Gracie cried and got upset when the staff insisted that we went inside and my mum took Tiny home. She was a bit angry at me. But I said to her that I thought even if she just got a few minutes with her that at least she had seen Tiny for a minute. Gracie said at the end that she was happy because she had seen Tiny even if it was just for a few minutes. I felt bad because I wanted it to make Gracie happy to get to see Tiny. I wish we could of had more freedom with her. But I am still glad I took Tiny and that Gracie got to see her doggies for a few minutes. I feel it will of helped her inside a bit..

This video I made for my daughter last year shows how happy she was on her 3rd birthday and how she loved to play with Tiny and that we all had so much fun together every day. She was so innocent and you can hear it in her voice and see it in how she is. It breaks my heart everyday that her innocence has been destroyed by the system and by making all her nightmares come true. Seperating Gracie from me is her worste nightmare come true. This is what the system has forced my daughter to endure.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gEJJ2xcOFjw

I dont think this video shows up in every country that is why I cannot link it properly to my you tube channel. I hope you can watch it as it is a lovely little video.

Thursday 19 July 2012

presents and counting game


I enjoyed making up the game for Gracie where we hide presents round the room and she has to find them and then place them on numbered paper. We then ask her to pick a certain number by doing a mathematical equation. When she gets the right number and piece of paper, she then gets to open the present.
we played this game last tuesday and these pictures where actually taken tuesday morning before I saw Gracie.

for more pictures and stuff go to my justice for families home page: http://justiceforukfamilies.ning.com/profile/LauraHalligan

Tuesday 17 July 2012

Tthey try to make me look bad, but fail mostly

The only issues they really focused on in court, for why I should only see my daughter once a month is because I dressed her up too much as a princess.. and always brought her new dressers in... also that I brought too many bags of toys and food in every contact...and too many presents wrapped up... i made her birthday last 4 weeks cos she was 4 years old.. they keep asking me to bring less but I have still never managed to do it in 1.5 years.. about 6 or 8 bags I take to see Gracie... also I wanted to brush Gracies hair once and she didnt want me to... these are the reasons why they wanted me to see Gracie once a month... they where trying to find fault in the contacts, but that is all they could find... I think they where just dragging it out so that the judge never turned completely on them.... the judge was on my side throughout and from the beginning of this.. he insisted that he would be the only judge who deals with this case. I do have a lot of respect for him and I knew he would be our salvation!! I accepted the prejudgement and did not challenge it because they would of just brought the psychologist in and had her and two barristers just pulling me to pieces... so I went with my barristers recomendation... just once a week for now... so we did win in theory because they wanted me to see Gracie once a month.. cafcas and social services.... social services wanted 6 times a year to start with and changed mind when he got to court..!!... but we got once a week.... I was initially sad and shocked, because I wanted more obviously... but I felt God and Jesus smiling in my heart... they where satisfied with the decission...

A weight has been lifted... the judge left it in the social services hands to extend our time together and make decissions... Well it is their job!!! They should be doing it properly!! well an excellent mother should have the right to bring up her adorable child in a perfect way... and a special child is entiteled to that unique care and attention from her special mother.

Love Of My Life

It is hard writing in here today, but I feel I should because the truth needs to be seen and that is also the depression from me and Gracie being seperated. They do not value who I am and what I have to offer, they do not seem to notice or care what they are depriving my child of. They say I need therapy. They just create the problem by seperateing me and Gracie and then say I need therapy because my child has been taken from me.

No amount of therapy is ever going to change how I feel about my daughter, psychologist reports is just stupid. They are not even accurate, gosh at some moments one can feel a certain way and in another moment they will feel differently. When I went to see the psychiatrist I did not know how to tick her boxes.. she gave me like 4 pages of boxes to tick.. most the time I put what I wanted her to hear lol... have you ever banged your hands on the table... you think hmmm!! have I?? probably like maybe once but I dont know, its not something I am gonna be thinking about much... but the answer is like often, rarely, never and variations of such questions... when a lot of the time you dont even know what box to tick...  I was a bit worried anyway... I dont like going out now because it just pains me to see other children when I dont have my baby... at first I used to just cry every time I saw a chlid.. I still cry sometimes.. for a year and a half they have put us through this. I have a degree in computer science and tought piano for 7 years to both children and adults... I gave my child the perfect up bringing and never harmed her or put her in any danger. They say she was at risk of danger... but she was never actually in any!!!... they treat me like a criminal, when I am a victim... and no one seems to care or notice this!!! just ignore who I really am and they just imagine me in their own mind as what they want me to be, which helps them tick boxes and fill in their reports.

 I did think she missjudged me by telling me things in detail as if I did not understand.

Explaining it to me like I had some sort of mental problem. "you open the door by pulling the handle". You know I should be grateful, as how on earth would I get in or out of another building without her!! good job I spoke to the therapist when I did. Hey maybe this 12 month therapy will also show me how to turn a tap on and maybe run a bath!! wooot!! happy days... hey dont know how I have survived all this time living on my own!!

Anyway enough of the sarcasm..!!

today has been a hard day for me. When my angel left she said to me that is would be better if we did contact at nursery because sometimes other mums and dads are allowed in. That would be much better Gracie said. I just started crying and kissed her arm and told her I was sorry I was not there and I wish I could be and I still love her the same or more than any other mums there. she wiped away my tears with her dress and said "there there mum, wipe those tears away" she is so sweet; she is only 4. They do not understand what they are depriving my daughter of.

At times like this when they are talking about staying the same for the next so many months then having review meeting... it just drags you down.. I dont wanna do anything to jepodise my situation, but I feel I have to do something!!! I cant just sit here feeling like a week and shrivelled human being and feeling like I have just let my daughter down. I have to keep fighting!! though do it in a professional way and we are allowed free speach... I am allowed to write down my thoughts to share with you... I am allowed to write a petition for my child and make videos... fight in a positive way... where there is no anger and shouting between people... and just me trying to do everything I can to save my baby from her missery...

her attention span is alot shorter and she just blocks out things... she goes deap into her world and she cant even hear you speak!! It just breaks my heart to see what has been destroyed and what they deprive my daughter of... and no one seems to even think I really matter...

I said today to new team leader that our life has been destroyed... she said well yours has.... sounds like she implying that Gracies has not!! they just choose to be blind to the truth and reality... I just said "Gracie's has too"... no point arguing and shouting they just write it down and use it against you...

They expect good loving mothers to not act like that... A good loving mother would scream, shout and cry when child is taken off them... though if you ever act like this they then call you a bad mother... so you cant win with them... unless you just let them control you.... they just want to completely control and have power over you... they want you to act like it is no big deal!

anyway I dont get angry at any of the staff and am often generous to the. But I always make a fuss when I see Gracie.. I have not shouted for 8 months... there is really no reason why I should not be with Gracie and there never was really to do with me... they where worried about the potential danger of the crazy man but I would of never let him near her... he has never even be to this country..

I dont want anything to do with him and I have not spoken to him for 8 months... yet they still say I am unfit... there is no reason why I am unfit... that is why this system just energy steels from me and Gracie by keeping us sad inside and in our hearts and them controlling our every move... I cannot express my feelings and concerns to the people cos they dont value what I have to say... so I will express it here and try and hope for them to listen through this method of comunication and expression!!

There is always hope.. I believe the system can change and it will !! I believe in God and I can never stop doing everything in his name. Hey I am not perfect and dont always choose the right thing... though I always try to and analyse my actions and try and better myself every day...

I can imagine that anyone who watches this video will see the love and bond between me and Gracie and  you will see how it is so important that I am a big part of My Angel's life



please sign  my petition to get Gracie back to me http://www.change.org/en-GB/petitions/social-services-give-me-my-angel-gracie-back?share_id=xbHaXEEHkY

Sunday 15 July 2012

Gracie the Joy Of My Life

They have taken away the joy from my life, by taking away my baby. I have made quite a few videos about this. Here is a cute one of Gracie in the sink and me next to her

Friday 13 July 2012

full of love

I am overwhelmed with love for my daughter and I see it shine in her too for me, our bond is unique and nothing can ever replace that connection we have. Our relationship is special and unique and should be valued as such